Each of you has supported someone in distress—someone who may have been traumatized. Many of us do this work voluntarily, offering our time and energy freely because we care deeply about our communities. But often, this help comes at a cost: an emotional, psychological, and relational cost that accumulates over time.

Dr Beth Hudnall Stamm writes in The Cost of Caring that “When you care about what you do, it’s hard not to take your work home from the office” and that “those who labour on the front lines of human experience may be haunted by something far more troubling: images and emotions that arise in the course of another day’s work with victims of trauma and abuse.” (Stamm, 2010).

By guiding, supporting, or counselling those who are hurt and afflicted, the helper may themselves become wounded. For those in victim empowerment, long‑term psychological distress may occur when exposed to secondary traumatic stories (Stamm, 1997). David Hilfiker, in Healing the Wounds, reminds us: “All of us who attempt to heal the wounds of others will ourselves be wounded; it is, after all, inherent in the relationship.” (Hilfiker, 1997).

Judith Herman in Trauma and Recovery observes that “The psychological distress symptoms of traumatized people simultaneously call attention to the existence of an unspeakable secret and deflect attention from it.” (Herman, 2015). Volunteers and caregivers exposed to these “unspeakable secrets” may experience psychological distress—often described as burnout, compassion fatigue, secondary traumatic stress, or vicarious traumatization.

Secondary trauma occurs through repeated empathic exposure to victims’ accounts. It is more than hearing their story—we absorb their fear, pain, and helplessness, and this emotional connection can begin to affect us. While one story may not seem overwhelming, the cumulative effect of many stories builds up over time, sometimes unnoticed until burnout sets in. Over time, fragments of multiple traumatic experiences can combine into a heavy emotional burden. Without awareness, this cumulative exposure erodes energy, passion, and well being—making recognition and support essential for those on the front lines.

Acknowledge that someone else’s trauma, pain and crisis that you “hear” can affect you. This work is hugely rewarding, but also comes with risk. I have seen that in my own life, how over the years listening to other peoples stories and going to scenes began to affect me.

Eventually, I hit breaking point. I thought I was fine—until I wasn’t. That’s why I’m so passionate about this topic. There’s a real need for volunteers and caregivers to receive support and validation, but many don’t recognize the risks we face when we engage empathically with others. When we offer support and compassion, we open ourselves up to their trauma—and it can begin to affect us.

Not every call will impact you. Not every volunteer will experience secondary trauma, vicarious trauma, burnout, or compassion fatigue. Just like with post-traumatic stress—not everyone will be affected.

But if it does affect you, and you don’t understand what’s happening, you may reach a breaking point.

In closing, remember to take time for yourself.

You cannot help others, if you cannot help yourself.

Look after “YOU” first.

  -Philip Stoneman